Saturday, March 24, 2007

Youtube is taking over the world

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Texas house maintains long standing american tradition of punishing women for sex.

AUSTIN, Texas - The Texas House overwhelmingly approved a bill Tuesday rescinding Gov. Rick Perry's order mandating that Texas girls be given a vaccine against a virus that can cause cervical cancer.

A bill by Rep. Dennis Bonnen, R-Angleton, was tentatively passed 119-21, well over the two-thirds needed to overturn a veto by the governor. The bill will be up for final approval in the House Wednesday and then has to be approved by the Senate.

The rebuke was driven largely by Perry's Republican colleagues, who have almost uniformly criticized the order for the last six weeks, charging that it usurps parental authority.

"This is only a protection if they become sexually active. It's not protection that they need sitting in a classroom."
-Rep. Dennis Bonnen, R-Angleton

"I'm certain if this were a vaccine for any other kind of cancer, there would be no issue on this... Pap smears are not enough."
-Rep. Jessica Farrar, D-Houston

This is an example of the sick, fucking poisoned culture we live in. The far right love to talk their fucking jaws off about this supposed culture war every time a cross is removed from someone's lawn or a flag is burned, but here we are. After whipping up outrage over video games, mtv, condoms, sex education, homosexuals, the vagina monologues and everything else under the sun that involves sex rather than violence, here we see Dennis Bonnen explaining to us simpletons that our daughters don't need vaccinations to sit behind a desk. Because as we all know, kids go to school and come home and don't have human contact until they are 30 or so and we as parents are ready for them to have sex. Hell, using that logic we should go ahead and eliminate all other vaccines that don't involve pencil or desk related diseases.

Study after study has shown, that even back in the forties and thirties, around 90+ percent of the population have participated in pre-marital sex. In short, people fuck, get used to it. To act like cervical cancer is just punishment for any sexual indiscretion, let alone one that over 9 out of 10 people commit is callous, unrealistic and selfish.

Don't even fucking try and hit me with any bullshit false science, because I've researched it. The strains of HPV that are targeted with the vaccine are the primary cause of cervical cancer in the western world. Thousands of women are going to die because we didn't want our kids fucking around. You can't even make a fiscal argument soundly because the cost of the burden of thousands of unnecessary cancer cases on the medical system outweighs the relatively small cost of vaccination.

Anyone who didn't support this is crazy or an asshole. I'd wish some horrible disease on you, but it wouldn't be right to think that someone deserves that no matter what they did wrong, right?

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Boston authorities courageously protect citizens from deadly light brights.

Congratulations are in order for Boston PD, bravo gentlemen for your courageous misinterpretation of a pop culture reference as a terrorism plot.

Also, kudos to the media for such gems as "It appears to be a spongebob character flipping the bird" and "The packages are consistent with IEDs". So apperantly now anything with batteries and LEDs are considered suspect as explosives. Don't leave your cellphone on the bus kids, or they'll blast it with a fucking water cannon. It's a circuit board, it has no payload, if it was a bomb it wouldn't even scratch paint off that bridge.

Seriously CNN, you are part of Turner broadcasting and you can't recognize a mooninite? Running low on competent interns?

As a practical matter, these things (from the looks of it) have been placed in ten cities for THREE WEEKS before you even managed to hilariously overreact to them. If they actually were bombs, we'd already be watching tributes to the victims and plotting revenge attacks against Iran by now. I'd already be able to buy cheesy commemorative plates and shit. Go go Boston PD!

Think about this for a second, 9 other cities have the same devices, so either their security is even more lax, or more likely they didn't go crazy over a bunch of novelty items.

Newscasters keep insisting that 9/11 changed everything when covering this story, and I'm starting to believe the line. We're living in a different world now, a world full of people that seem to be getting dumber by the day. That's the only change I see.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

The best thing about the 2006 election, Santorum's loss!

Further explanation here.

And here.

I'm sorry but this guy and his family are just plain creepy. I also love the woman who shouts out "OH NO!!!" Like someone killed her husband when he conceeds.

Video 1

Video 2

Monday, November 06, 2006

Vote damn you!

When I first heard of that Puff Daddy/MTV campaign "Vote or Die", I thought it was stupid and wouldn't make a difference.

Tonight I've changed my mind, I'll be heading down south tomorrow with an aluminum baseball bat and threatening death on anyone that doesen't bloody well vote. I'll rip your nutsacks off, I'm not kidding around here.

If enough people show up and vote, there won't be enough convienient "voting irregularities" to rob the democrats this time. I mean really, what does it take?

Sure it's not a presidential vote, but wouldn't you like to jab a middle finger right into the GOP's eye as a prelude to 2008? A little something for Iraq, Katrina and every other colossally incompetent plan or policy?

Well then get the fuck out there and do it.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Stab in the liver, stab in the liver.

Hilarious guide on defending yourself in a bar fight.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Youtube tribute to Alaska's Ted Stevens.

It has been discovered that Alaska's illustrious asshole senator Ted Stevens was the mystery man that (in the middle of the night) blocked a bill to create a searchable database of government contracts to add some transparency to these deals.

I wonder why the same man that provided us with a wonderful 200 million dollar bridge to an island with a population of less than 50 people would do something like that? God knows Halliburton and KBR would grind to a halt if it were ever placed under something as horrifying as public scrutiny.

Probably the funniest part of all this is that they found out who it was by asking a hundred senators if they were the culprit, and only Ted Stevens didn't deny it.

Unless he changes his mind and removes his block, the bill will never be voted on. Knowing this, I decided to whip up a little youtube tribute to this great man, expert on government accountability and l33t hax0r of various internet tubes.

In related news, If you don't want jackasses like him running the internet, visit and sign the petition.